The Dangerous, irresistible pastime

(Each section of this website is a chapter. Reading only one section without the others doesn’t tell you the story)

1992 – 1993. This is a long chapter, but its the most important part of the story.

In June of 1992 ELP reformed and their new album was called “Black Moon”. Of course I was curious to hear the new music of my old friends, so I bought the cassette.
One song on the album is called “Affairs of the Heart”. While listening I was shocked thinking “what the hell?”. It’s our story, Carl’s and mine. The song’s lyrics describe how we met, things he said, and then talks about how I left years later. The song tells of the chandelier, how I was alone beneath it and twirling around, looking up at it. How I looked at him across the room and “eyes cunning like a fox” words he spoke to me in private, that I had fox eyes. And the “eyes of jade” lyrics, he told me my eyes were green, but they’re blue. Even the sound of a door closing twice can be heard. I left and came back to get my scarf. But the reason I left, the lyrics tell a different story. A simple masquerade it was not, it was horrible. During a private conversation, we talked about the chandelier I met him under on the dance floor. He said it was a glitter ball, but I insisted it was a chandelier. I think there were both but in different areas.

Eastown Theatre in Detroit approx area where we met

I wondered why he wanted Greg to do this after 20 years. Greg Lake from ELP and Geoff Downes from Asia wrote the song. Then I made the connection and remembered listening to the concert Asia in Asia on the radio in ’83 and thinking how several of their song lyrics sounded familiar. But I brushed it off then because I knew I wasn’t in a “faded video” which are lyrics from the song “Eye to Eye”. We saw eye to eye literally because we are the same height 5’8″. Then in 1992 after I bought the bootleg ELP Manticore Film, I saw the restaurant scene of myself with Carl. I didn’t know they were filming while we were eating, I didn’t know I was in it until I saw it. So I really was in a faded film. How could a video be faded, they had just come out then. (See the Unwelcome Back story in this website)

It was difficult to believe that I would be used as material for songs. It took me years to find out what had been going on. Being in that video was proof that there was something weird. There were way too many other things, so it couldn’t all be coincidence. But why do that to me? It was very irresistible and no one would use music for the wrong reasons, so I had to believe that it was all true. There were love songs for me from Carl being written and sung by his close friends and band mates, while he played drums. I believed he loved me after all that time and wanted me to come back.

I wondered when it had all started and I went back in my memory to 1972 and remembered a trip I made to Illinois to see my friend and his band play. The song “Still you turn me on” reminded me of it.

In summer of 72 I went on a little road trip with a friend to see ELP play. I believe it was Illinois at a college there.
I decided to go undercover for a bit, just so I could see if he had other girlfriends around, because he seemed to care for me, but was strangely distant at times. I had already known him for a year and had spent time with him, but there was something I couldn’t quite understand.

My friend and I got to the motel near the gig and went into the restaurant. I wore a long sundress and sunglasses and I had a really dark tan. When I walked in I immediately saw a long table at the back and knew it was the band and everyone sitting there. So we sat down at a table and I grabbed the menu and put it over my face. Almost immediately I heard a voice and I put the menu down to see Carl sitting across from me. So..

“You see it really doesn’t matter
When you’re buried in disguise
By the dark glass on your eyes
Though your flesh has crystallised”

From the song “Still…you turn me on”

That’s why I went there to see if he cared for me.
We talked later by the pool and at the concert, but that was all.
And my friend and I went home in the morning. One thing that was strange was how Greg interrupted us. He said “hi” to me and then he and Carl talked where I couldn’t hear.

Back then I would never believe anyone would write a song about what I did. But I still didn’t believe he cared very much.

So back to 1992 and after I heard the song “Affairs of the Heart” I started writing letters to Carl. And sent them to him c/o Victory Music that produced the new ELP album. I saw the address on the cassette tape insert.

Since I heard the song “Affairs of the Heart” and it reminded me of him, I thought maybe he’d remember me too. At that time I didn’t think it was written about us. After I saw us in the new Welcome Back video and then all the other things happened, then I believed it was.

I wrote about all sorts of things, and mentioned the other musicians I met back in the 70’s. I mentioned Pink Floyd and how I was a roadie for a night and ended up on stage alone with David Gilmour and how he said “No” when I offered him a joint.
And how we partied with Roger, Nick & Rick and Roger read to us from a Monty Python book and we all sang the Lumberjack song. I mentioned how I met Led Zeppelin and that meeting Robert Plant was the coolest thing that ever happened to me.

Since the song mentioned a chandelier, I mentioned the one where we met and how years later he said it was a glitterball. And how he said I had fox eyes, also like the lyrics. I wrote how the Fox Theatre in Detroit has one of the largest chandeliers in the world. I wrote about a lot of different things.

Months later in ’93 I heard that ELP were on the second leg of a tour and that they would be playing at the Fox Theatre in Detroit on February 17. I was shocked to hear that! They never played there before..So I decided to go.. All the signs seemed to be saying I should go. It was all so strange though. So I put my faith in the music and the musicians. The line in the song “no returning” seemed to bother me that I never returned after that awful night in 73. So I felt as though I should return and make things right and forgive and forget the sad past.

So I decided to go to the concert. I figured I’d just give my name at the stage door like I always had with no problem. Sometimes I’d tell his roadie to go get him. And I was in Detroit. Carl knew me as Denise from Detroit, I’d always tell him. I was exited to see him again, but still leery about everything being so strange. But I was in a film with him and there was a song about us so I felt confidant in that and I hung out with him at every Detroit concert ELP had ever played and we had dinner together twice..

I get to the concert and the stage door and got into the security room and told one of the guards my name and to tell Carl I was there. So he’s gone for a while, then he comes back opens the door and is talking with someone on the other side of the door and then asked me “what is your last name? I thought “my last name, why does he want to know that”? Carl never really knew how to pronounce my maiden name anyways why ask? I used my married name when I wrote letters and never thought about it, so I gave him my married name. Then the guard talks to Carl on the other side of the door and then he looks at me and says “No sorry.” What? Why didn’t Carl just look around the opened door? This was freaky and really sad. What kind of game was this? He’s just on the other side of a door and he can’t bother to look?

I asked a roadie to tell him and all the roadie could say to me was “listen lady listen and “hey lady”. What was going on here? This was really sad. I left and went home, but what the roadie kept saying bothered me. He said “listen lady listen”. I kept thinking listen to what?
I though for sure that I could get through like always by just giving my name at the door. With a word I could get in like always, but it didn’t happen. It was a horrible feeling like I being taken on a dangerous ride.

Not exactly sure when I first saw it, but on February 1, 1993, a new 90 minute ELP movie called “Welcome Back” came out on VHS.
I was shocked to see I was in that one too having dinner seated next to Carl. They used the clip from the 1973 Manticore film in this newer VHS. Well I wasn’t Welcome Back at the concert, but I’m sure in the video. How sad, frustrating and maddening. What was he doing to me and why? I am the only woman in the entire video that is seen as being with Carl. A film that shows their entire career up to that point. I thought fans will think I’m someone special. It did make me feel special, but he didn’t want to talk to me, so what was going on? Why wouldn’t he talk to me?

I called ELP management while the band was still on tour and said if Carl doesn’t call me right back I’m suing him for “Invasion of Privacy”. I felt that the video that I’m in that they kept using, invaded my privacy. And I had a right to be left out of it. And I wanted to know why Greg was using me in a song. In 10 minutes ELP’s manager Stewart Young called me. I said “what’s the deal with Affairs of the heart, that’s obviously about me and Carl. And he said “Well it could be about someone else”. I wasn’t getting any answers. Then I said with a laugh “You know there are some things I can say about Carl”. Then another voice said “What do you want”?
What did he mean? Like money? Was he bribing me to be quiet? I just said “I want Carl to know how much he’s hurt me”. I didn’t know then that it was all intended to hurt me and push me to limit. Throughout the conversation I just kept asking “what do you want from me”?

If I had a really good attorney, I could have sued for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress. But the things he said and did were so strange that just talking about them makes me sound strange. And I was up against a famous rockstar. A groupie suing a legendary rock star for stalking her? I’d be laughed at. But I still couldn’t believe this was intentional, I thought no one could be this cruel. I loved him before and couldn’t admit to myself that he was hurting me on purpose because I know too much about him.

After that, ELP’s last concert in the US was aired live on radio. It was March 17, 1993 at the Wiltern Theatre in Los Angeles. They had also played the night before that. It was still irresistible and I wanted to listen to it. I didn’t hear anything unusual. And I knew there’d be something, so I called the radio station and asked for a copy and they sent it on cassette tape. I still have the tapes.

I listened with headphones and what did I hear in between songs? Carl’s voice yelling my name “Denise” a couple times and “I love you” and “when do you want your wedding” like TDB lyrics describe it “Promises lit up the night like paper doves in flight” then ELP left the country and I heard they had broken up. TDB lyrics tell it “The ship of fools had finally run aground” the ELP song “Pirates” is their signature song.

(This year 2019, Nick Mason’s Saucerful of Secrets played on March 16th and 17th at the Wiltern Theatre. Same date and venue, but years later) maybe he had those dates booked to give it as a clue.

In the Asia in Moscow video on YouTube below,,listen for the name Denise when it’s announced over the PA system and how he looks around
Then he says. “I think Denise this is sufficient for me to express myself”
Then shows a wedding ring on his finger, but more to him it’s a joke he gave me the middle finger. He also talks about years ago.
He describes his drum solo like it’s a car motoring..I’m from Detroit and drove him and ELP in my car. No wonder Publius gave car clues so Floyd fans could find my location. Car clue for Detroit is easy

The interview

More weird stuff just to make me think he cared. Part of the heavenly ride. But it was dangerous because it was all meant to push me to the limit to see if I’d break when I found out it wasn’t true. I loved him years ago and he brought all our memories back and pretended he cared for me all those years. I had to believe it was true because who would lie about love with music? But “She will take it back someday” and with this blog I’m doing it.

It was all so irresistible and I kept thinking about him and all these romantic messages and wondering when he would talk to me. And I was listening to the music from the past and it was heavenly. But with The Division Bell I found out it was all a lie and a joke. I know too much and he didn’t like it and didn’t want me talking. The Welcome Back video was 5 months late getting released. I started writing letters in 1992 when it was to be released, but it didn’t get released until February 1993. Maybe they had new information that needed to be used in the video, like my address from my letters.

I was watching the video that I’m in and I was thinking how cool it was after all these years and I’m the only woman it in that’s with him.. Then another part of the video, the music to the ELP song C’est la vie” is playing and then it shows Carl jogging down a street and passing a hedgerow. Then during the line “who knows who cares for me” he looks down the driveway of a home. Weird..

From ELP “Welcome Back” video that I’m in with Carl Palmer, him jogging.

My first thought was that it was as though he was looking at my house. In my entire neighborhood my home is the only one with hedgerows on both sides. Then I started thinking how easily I could interpret the lyrics to C’est la vie. Then I really got freaked out thinking is he trying to tell me that that song was for me too? It was all too much for me. I went into a state of emotional distress and sadness. I blamed myself for never having gone back to him all those years. “C’est la vie have your leaves all turned to brown will you scatter them around you” I interpret it as Say Denise have all your magazine clippings of me all turned to brown from age, will you scatter them around you? They use the words C’est la vie like it’s a person by asking them questions. I would never say that I loved him. The whole song asks questions to C’est la vie. But it’s meant that Denise should say the answers.

I went into a deep depression and cried all the time. I couldn’t believe someone would hate me so much and use music to lie about a thing like love. I didn’t sleep much or eat much. I couldn’t function at all. I passed by the bathroom mirror and got scared of my own image. I thought “who is that”? I felt like my guts were on the outside of my body because I physically hurt so bad. “I didn’t recognize what I had become. No more than alive I barely survived in a word overrun” lyrics from “Wearing the Inside out” from The Division Bell. It’s difficult for me to go back there so I can describe it. It was a severe state of emotional distress and knowing that there was no one I could get answers from, was worse. I didn’t have any connections anymore, no one to ask. So I prayed to God to send me someone who could tell me why he was doing this to me. But when I heard Coming Back to Life, I knew the moment had arrived for killing the past and I came back to life.

I kept listening to the ELP and Asia songs and wondering if there were more. It was like I was climbing higher after every song. Then I thought about the hedgerow in the video and how that roadie kept saying “Listen lady” and I was buying more music. I felt like the lady in “Stairway to Heaven” and it freaked me out. Back in the 70’s when I’d get to the ELP shows if the backstage doors were all closed with a word I could get what I came for. All I had to do was give my name and I could see Carl. But not after 20 years, he didn’t want to talk to me.


So at my absolute very weakest moment “Fields of Gold” by Sting came out. I thought yeah I can handle ELP and Asia, but what does Sting have to do with it? I guess they thought if they brought in the big guns like Sting, nobody would believe me or my story ever!

That song was very haunting to me, it’s even haunting to the average person. Then I read an interview with Sting in Rolling Stone how he lives in a castle and he said that the song is about other people..”Fields of Gold” title reminded me of the “all that glitters is gold” lyrics from “Stairway”. It’s like they were leading me up the steps.
And yet the video for “Fields of Gold” the “in the studio” version, at the beginning, a tree outside the window is shown and Sting stands there looking at it.
“In a tree by the brook, there’s a songbird who sings”
It’s like Sting was the songbird looking out at the tree.

from “Fields of Gold” video Sting

But going back to the song “Fields of Gold” it reminded me of my old times with Carl and how he seemed to want me back after many years had passed. But it’s a lie, there was no happy ending with me and Carl.

Fields of Gold is about a relationship that went wrong years ago. The couple meet again after many years had passed. The man talks of the times they were alone together and she fell into his arms with her long hair all around him and he kissed her. It was like lying in a field and even the sun was jealous of their love.
And by talking about the past with her, he tells her that she will remember him and their love. And even though he broke some promises to her before, he swears that in the days still left they’ll walk in Fields of gold again.
Meaning they will finally have a happy life together.

After that I find out that about 10 years after ELP released “C’est la vie”, Sting released “Fragile” which has the same melody and just a slightly faster tempo.

How many coincidences do there have to be before it’s not a coincidence? I knew it wasn’t coincidental. It didn’t make any sense why Sting would be involved in helping Carl with all this…Then, I know this will sound unbelievable but, my first words to Carl were “do do goo goo da da”. When we first met, I couldn’t think of anything to say because I liked him right away. He asked me “don’t you talk” and I said that. I thought that baby talk was still talking. I thought it was cute and it got me through. It was like Police’s song “de do do do de da da da, is all I want to say to you”

I felt like I was being stalked through this whole ordeal. It seemed like the more they gave me to cause emotional distress, and the more that I told people, the less people would believe me. But now the more that I tell, should be proof of what they did.
I thought, who is going to believe I’m being stalked by Sting and others?That’s crazy. And that’s what they wanted. Well I think fans will believe Pink Floyd and how they tell the story and the truth of it all with The Division Bell lyrics, artwork and the Publius Enigma clues.

So it should come as no surprise that the cover of The Division Bell has a gold field and a castle on it (Publius referred to Ely cathedral as a castle). The castle in between the mouths of the two steel heads represents the communication from the song Fields of Gold between the two people. Hope I explained that well enough. The people that Sting said the song was about. The Division bell is about the same two people but it tells the truth about it all.

So I could talk about the stalking song “Every Breath you take” and the chandelier Sting looks up at during the video. When I met Carl and I said “do do goo goo da da” I was under a chandelier. Below you see Copeland’s drum set under one, which made me think of drummer Carl and when I met him.

Stings “Shape of my Heart” from Ten Summoners Tales released in August of 1993. (when I wrote to Carl in 92 and 93, I used my last name Sharpe)
Sharpe….Shape of my Heart. Notice the similaries in the pictures above and below. Crystals from a chandelier and light fixture And the black and white in all three.

Truth is stranger than fiction. But why did they do all this to me? I know too much they didn’t want me talking about my past with Carl. But Pink Floyd revealed it with the 11:11 clues…see that section. But why was Sting protecting Carl and his secret, like Jon Anderson was?

It was a very irresistable pastime pondering all this, but it was dangerous mentally. It was meant to push me to the limit to see if I would break. They were afraid I might take it back someday. But with the help of Pink Floyd and my using The Division Bell lyrics to tell it, I am. Now maybe fans can see why Pink Floyd couldn’t say anything about it all, it’s explosive. But I have to tell it.

If you’ve read the very beginning of this chapter, the pic below proves the mind games. Sting spinning around and looking up at a chandelier. He gave himself away!

From Stings “If I ever lose my faith in you”.

Spinning around looking up at a chandelier…