It was early 1994. I worked very hard to get myself together, and I started a new job in the office of a family-owned manufacturing company. I was apprehensive about what might happen musically, so I kept myself busy taking on any extra work they’d give me. I always enjoyed organizing and making sure offices ran smoothly. But there was still that creepy feeling that at any moment, something could ruin it all, and I’d fall apart and be depressed again.
I was still waiting for someone to tell me why Palmer and his friends were haunting me so bad and why he wouldn’t talk to me. I just couldn’t face the truth that he hated me and didn’t want me telling about him. I knew he didn’t want fans knowing certain things. But I had no actual proof of his secret, but he seemed scared I’d tell it. If he had only left well enough alone years ago.
When I came home from work one day, there was a strange letter for me. It was from Victory Music in California, the then-current record label of Emerson Lake & Palmer, and where I sent my letters to Carl. It was a yellow paper advertisement, and in big black letters it read “YES,” and smaller letters underneath it read “Talk.” I immediately thought it was my yes reply from Carl to my question. I wrote, “are you getting my letters? Send me a yes or no.” In smaller print at the top, it read “The new album by.” It was an announcement for the new album by YES called “Talk.”
It was strange, like I was being notified that my letter from Carl would be released in the form of an album. This was really obvious. What did Carl have to do with YES? Then I figured that he was probably friends with Jon Anderson, who strangely thinks of himself as an elf.
The album came out on March 22nd, and I bought it. Some of the album’s lyrics are “Talk, like the first words ever to reach out to you” Carl’s first words to me were “Don’t you talk?” and the lyrics “Like the first sounds in a silent spring,” we met in spring.
The lyrics from “Endless Dream” are “Temptation may come hope your vision doesn’t stray/Temptation may come hope your conscience doesn’t hide/You may be forced away/The longest trip you’ll take is inside/I bring this to you this gift of love.” So the album was a gift of love? That endless dream seemed like death to me. I should have ignored it.
While listening to it on the way to work, I stopped my car on a bridge over an expressway. The song tempted me towards taking the longest trip below, I was being forced away. I opened the car door, and the wind was in my face. I put one foot on the pavement and started to rise off the seat. All of a sudden, I thought about my son, who I could never leave. And I got back in the car and shut the door. I was looking for an end to it all. But that wasn’t the way, listening to Jon Anderson’s mumbo jumbo. I won’t even mention the creepiness of the rest of that album.
– Coming Back to Life –
Soon after, I heard that Pink Floyd would be releasing a new album. And I was so excited! It had been so long since I heard anything new from them.
The Division Bell by Pink Floyd was released on March 28, 1994. When I looked at the titles of the songs, I had to listen to “Coming back to life” first because that’s exactly what I needed to do.
As I laid on the floor listening to the words and music, I felt emotionally and physically lifted up. The song spoke for me.
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life.
The song tells what I went through better than I can because I’m not much of a writer. It’s the one song on the album that David Gilmour wrote by himself. It’s just so important to the concept of the entire album.
It was the artwork on the album cover that mostly explained the concept. It was so obvious. Two steel heads, “Face to face,” “Eye to eye.” The image matched the lyrics to some Asia songs that describe Carl and me.
Two heads facing each other open mouths as if they are talking to each other. It’s like the video I’m in with Carl in the restaurant, and we are facing each other talking.
I was showing the album cover to my son, and he saw it all too. He pointed to the field and said, “And there’s the Field of Gold.” I was shocked!
The field on the cover represents the song “Fields of Gold” and the cathedral situated in between the open mouths represents Sting’s castle home where he recorded the song. It’s in between the mouths to indicate that Sting’s lyrics in “Fields of Gold” are the communication from one person to the other. And Sting did say that the song was “about other people.” But “Fields of Gold” is a lie. Carl never loved me. The Division Bell lyrics are the communication between the same two people and it tells the truth about everything.
So it’s true that my first words to Carl were stolen from me for The Police song “De do do do.” It’s no wonder Sting helped Carl to push me to the limit. He didn’t want me telling about that song and others.
It was David Gilmour telling me the truth about those guys via The Division Bell. I got much more truth than I prayed for. It was unbelievable, but I always trusted Gilmour.
It’s still very difficult for me to say that the steel head on the left represents me, the other represents Carl. That’s sounds too crazy to say. But fans should realize we’re talking about Pink Floyd here, and if they think David Gilmour wouldn’t go that far to help a fan and a friend of his friend, then they don’t know him. He came to my rescue when I was being stalked, lied to, and emotionally abused with music and videos. Gilmour with Pink Floyd and friends used their music and artwork to tell me the truth about what Carl and his friends were doing to me.
After listening to more songs on The Division Bell and looking at more artwork in the CD booklet, I was positive that Carl gave my letters to someone in Pink Floyd. Either directly to David Gilmour or Nick Mason or Chris Adamson, who I knew personally and who worked for Pink Floyd and Emerson Lake & Palmer. Chris also knew a personal friend of Carl’s named Mark, who I met in the ’70s. Nick Mason stated that they had around 40 pieces of material for The Division Bell. That seemed like a message for me to know that they did receive my letters because that’s about how many letters I wrote to Carl.
In my letters, I mentioned how I would trust Gilmour above any musician. So from that, I believe Carl wanted Gilmour to have my letters so he’d use them for another Dark Side of the Moon type concept album, and it would put me over the edge for good. But instead of Gilmour helping Carl as Sting and Jon Anderson did, Gilmour helped me to know the truth of it all. There must have been some kind of an agreement between them, and the contract was obviously broken. That’s why Gilmour hasn’t been able to say anything about it. I am the one who has to tell the story first and get it out in the media about what Carl did to me.
God sent Pink Floyd to give me the truth over the evil. It’s an incredible story. There didn’t seem to be any other way for me to get the truth except from music. Sadly, music almost destroyed me, but Pink Floyd’s music brought me back to life.
“What do you want from me?”
When I heard the lyrics in that song, I couldn’t help but remember how many times I yelled those words over the phone at ELP’s manager when he called my house. What did Carl Palmer want from me with all his love bombing and stalking? I had no idea. But with The Division Bell, I learned the truth of it.
“Do you want me to make a daisy chain for you
I’m not the one you need.”
Those lyrics reminded me of that horrible night I wrote about in a previous chapter, where Carl and two other people were trying to get me into bed with them, then one guy tried to take photos, but I ran away. Did they want to make a sexual daisy chain with me? Is that one of the things he was afraid I’d tell? I was somewhat naive years ago and didn’t know what their plan was.
I learned many truths from The Division Bell. I’m supposed to use the lyrics and artwork to tell my story and get justice.
Without Pink Floyd’s help, no one would consider the words of an unknown over famous musicians, like Sting, Jon Anderson, ELP, and ASIA. But fans would believe Pink Floyd over them.
As the members of Pink Floyd have said, the concept of The Division Bell is communication. The songs’ lyrics represent the communication between two people. The album cover art explains that.
The lyrics..“You were always the golden boy then…”
Carl Palmer of Emerson Lake & Palmer was probably the youngest of all the, now legendary, rock musicians on the scene in the late ’60s and early 70’s and he was voted #1 drummer in the U.K. He gained worldwide fame at 18 years of age, and in his 20’s he was still boyish and childlike. If you read my preceding chapters, it’s easy to follow how this song represents my communication to him. The “Hey you” is a sarcastic greeting to someone you want to tell off. And Carl wouldn’t let me tell him off to his face, so David Gilmour spoke for me.
“Leading the blind while I stared out the steel in your eyes.”
Carl would lead his fans and get them to clap along to his beat. But, they were blind about him, and so was I. In the 70’s Carl played his famous 2.5-ton steel drum set. He looked even smaller behind all that shining steel. It seemed like a light in his eyes that he would never lose. But he sold that drum set to Ringo Starr years ago, and then Ringo auctioned it off.
During the middle of “Poles Apart,” you hear music from a calliope or a band organ. Those are used with merry-go-rounds at carnivals. Then when the calliope music slows down, it becomes strangely erratic after a bell rings. Then you hear what sounds like the brakes on the merry-go-round being applied, and it comes to a stop.
Here Pink Floyd makes references to ELP and their Black Moon album and the merry-go-round art on the cover. And after the calliope music stops and merry-go-round stops, the mood of the song becomes more upbeat.
“The rain fell slow, down on all the roofs of uncertainty
I thought of you and the years, and all the sadness fell away from me”.
I felt tortured and uncertain for over a year, but with this song, the sadness Carl caused fell away from me. With the ringing of The Division Bell, Pink Floyd brought the horrid ELP circus of abuse to a complete stop. “Poles Apart” tells me that the love in “Affairs of the Heart” on the Black Moon album is a lie, and I should forget the sadness it caused me.
In an interview with Marc Brickman, lighting director for Pink Floyd, he was asked about a section in the song “Poles Apart where you hear that circus music,” He replied, “Like a merry-go-round?”. Brickman is the one who mentioned it, giving a clue to fans. (More clues are revealed in the Publius Enigma chapter next.)
When replying to whether The Division Bell was about Syd Barrett, Gilmour said, “Enough homage has already been paid to Syd.”
“Marooned” is the only Pink Floyd song ever to win a Grammy. This instrumental speaks louder than some vocals. This time, David Gilmour spoke with his guitar, and it helped me back to life and much more.
This piece tells of a journey of unbearable sadness and feeling emotionally and physically trapped where it seems impossible even to move. But with time and helpful understanding, the storm of emotions clear, and the clouds of an unknowing move away. Then the sun comes through with truth and heals your pain, lifting you to pure bliss.
Words can’t describe what he’s saying with his guitar. You have to hear it and feel it to know. And I felt what the music was saying. Throughout time, people will continue to be healed by the beauty and peace of Pink Floyd’s “Marooned.” It is truly a masterpiece.
“A Great Day for Freedom”
When asked about this song, David Gilmour said, “I’m quite happy for people to interpret The Division Bell any way they like” and “There was a wonderful moment of optimism when the Wall came down – the release of Eastern Europe from the non-democratic side of the socialist system. But what they have now doesn’t seem to be much better. Again, I’m fairly pessimistic about it all. I sort of wish and live in hope, but I tend to think that history moves at a much slower pace than we think it does. I feel that real change takes a long, long time”.
The lyrics “On the day the wall came down” are at the beginning of both the first and second verses. In the quote above, Gilmour explains the first verse.
But then, at the beginning of the second verse, you can hear him sing a quiet “and,” indicating that the song could also be about another wall that came down.
…” and, on the day the wall came down the ship of fools”…
The (ELP) Emerson Lake & Palmer song “Pirates” was considered their signature song, and it compared the band members on tour to Pirates sailing the high seas. Its lyrics, “The Turk the Arab and the Spaniard,” refer to themselves. Carl lived in Spain on the island of Tenerife. On the black backdrop of some live ELP concerts, you’d see the skull and crossbones symbol, known as the Jolly Roger flags used by pirates. Here, Pink Floyd refers to ELP as fools on a ship.
..” had finally run aground.”
In 1993 after their second concert at the Wiltern Theatre in Los Angles, ELP left the US and their tour here was over. It seemed as though they had broken up again, which they’d done a few times in the past. So, the ELP pirate ship of fools had finally run aground.
“Promises lit up the night like paper doves in flight.”
At that last concert at the Wiltern, Carl was shouting my name and “I love you” and “when do you want your wedding.” They were like promises that lit up the night, but they were lies, like paper doves in flight. It seemed like he needed me for something, but it was clear I couldn’t do anything for him.
The lyrics in the next verse, “nations, shades of grey and desert sands,” refers to the band Asia washing their hands of their drummer when the band broke up. Their first album has shades of grey in the cover art above the sea serpent. And most fans will recall the 80’s Asia video on MTV with Carl sinking in the quicksand.
“I woke to the sound of drums” and “no warmth, not even pride remained.”
The drummer I once cared about was gone, and I was no longer proud that I knew him. My fond memories of him slipped away, but the bitter residue remains.
With the lyrics in this song, David Gilmour speaks for me and on my behalf and continues to tell the story. He helped me to understand the truth of what was happening to me. It was so difficult to accept the sad truth, but I accepted it from Gilmour. I always said I’d believe him over anyone. He made the wall of lies come down on the day I heard this song and it was a great day for freedom.
He obviously can’t come right out and say he wrote about other musicians and what they did, but he did say, “A Great Day for Freedom’, for example, has got nothing to do with Roger or his ‘wall.’ It doesn’t. What else can I say?”
The lyrics in “High Hopes” seem apparent. Gilmour is talking about life as a young musician on the road in a world-famous rock band and how Pink Floyd reached the heights of a world most people could only dream about experiencing.
He reminisces about the old days when “the grass was greener, the nights of wonder, with friends surrounded.” I think talented musicians have a natural hunger inside to continue working, and they can never be satisfied. I believe the magic in music is addictive. Even though they’ve toured so many times, their weary eyes still stray for more.
“There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps running before time took our dreams away.” The lyrics in “High Hopes” are about other bands too.
For me, the lyrics “a ragged band” refer to ELP and their lyrics from the song “Karn Evil 9”, where ELP refer to themselves as “Alexander’s Ragtime Band”. Pink Floyd seems to refer to ELP as “a ragged band.”
“Followed in our footsteps” means that in the early 70’s Emerson Lake and Palmer basically followed the same tour circuit as Pink Floyd, but they followed behind because they weren’t as popular as Pink Floyd.
“Running before time took our dreams away.” ELP first broke up in 1978, while Pink Floyd has continued for many years. In the official music video for “High Hopes,” during those lyrics, acoustic guitars flow down a river to the left as if to indicate they are going backward. In the ELP “Welcome Back” video, during the song “C’est la vie,” Greg Lake is shown fishing along a river. The acoustic guitars floating in a river were an apparent jab at Greg and his acoustic guitar for the song “C’est la vie.” I’ve been saying in this story that the song is about Carl and me. But there was no love for me. It was a sad lie to make me believe it and then break down, especially after seeing that Carl included me in the new “Welcome Back” video.
At the beginning of “High Hopes,” you hear the bell, which indicates a division, and a bee buzzing. The buzzing is a reference to Sting. There is a division between musicians.
In the video for “High Hopes,” a man outside of a green vehicle full of white balloons stands staring intensely across a field opposite Ely cathedral (which represents Sting’s home castle). The man watches and waits and ponders what action he can take. He seems to have no choice but to release the balloons.
The white balloons, with the Pink Floyd’s boatman logo printed on them, represent Pink Floyd fans, and the man opens the back of the vehicle and releases them. And the balloons go down a path to the castle. He can’t go to the castle, so he sends the fans to learn the truth. The balloons bounce down the path and go right into the castle.
The man in the black academic gown rolling the big wheel represents Sting. He was a teacher and, in his videos, has worn the black academic gown and cap. He’s the big wheel, a person with a great deal of power and influence. Later, the big wheel falls by itself into the saturated field. It shows that Sting, the big wheel, will be all washed up in his field. This indicates that “Fields of Gold” love song is another lie.
At some Pink Floyd Division Bell concerts, the words “HEY TEACHER” in large letters came up in the lights below the stage during the song “Keep Talking.” That was a clue for fans because those words also came up during the song “Another brick in the wall.” The clue told fans to keep talking about the teacher.
Besides myself, in his posts to the Pink Floyd newsgroup, Publius referred to Ely Cathedral as a castle. (I explain about the Publius Enigma in the next chapter)
Also in the video for “High Hopes,” you see three people in suits on stilts walking away carrying suitcases as if they’re leaving for good. The third person is made up to look like a young boy, perhaps representing “the golden boy” from the song “Poles Apart.” Do they represent ELP?
The Division Bell songs, artwork, and clues help me to tell my story, so I can get justice over those musicians that used music and videos to cause me harm.
“Wearing the Inside Out” was written by Anthony Moore, British composer, performer, and producer.
Part of the song is about what it was like during the “dangerous but irresistible pastime” that I endured.
I could barely listen to this song when it came out. The music and the words and their tone precisely express the way I felt. Many words in this song are almost exact to what I wrote in my letters to Carl.
I wrote that I hurt so bad physically that it felt like my guts were on the outside of my my body. It was like living in hell. I was the one wearing the inside out. I wrote about it in chapter 8.
The way Rick Wright captured it all with his singing is incredible. He was the member of the band with whom I had the most personal conversation. It was so fitting that Rick sang it on my behalf. He spoke for me.
“And with these words, I can see clear through the clouds that covered me,” Meaning that with the lyrics of this song, I was able to see the truth through the clouds of lies that covered me.
“I murmured a vow of silence, and now…
In my letters to Carl, I wrote that I wouldn’t tell his secrets if only he’d talk to me and stop his weird behavior.
“I don’t even hear when I think aloud.”
Thinking aloud was something I’d always done to verbalized my thoughts for self-motivation. Growing up the youngest in my primarily narcissistic family, I was often ignored and didn’t have self-confidence, so I did the best possible. Carl must have heard me thinking aloud. Rick Wright himself may have heard me do it too when we spoke to each other.
But in ‘92 and ‘93, I was so depressed that I couldn’t even hear when I’d think aloud. This song shows that Pink Floyd knew about the Asia song “The Heat Goes on,” where I’m described in so many ways, especially “you’re thinking aloud.”
The lyrics from “Wearing the Inside Out” represent words from different people. The words that Rick sings convey my words as I think aloud. Gilmour, with the backup singers, is talking about Carl and calling him the “self-destructing animal.”
The artwork explains it and shows the lyrics separated on different pages
I can explain the image on the TV.
At the very end of the music video “Asia in Moscow,” after the song “The Heat Goes On” and his drum solo, you see Carl without his shirt on, and he’s walking across the stage, and there are two lights behind him. Just like the image on the tv. It’s not surprising and rather evident why the video’s ending is gone from youtube. But it is still available to see on the VHS. I won’t show a screenshot of the actual image because I won’t ask for permission and wouldn’t get it.
The shadow of the woman in the artwork represents me. I knew where I’d seen an image like the one on the tv, and I just explained where. It is more proof that Pink Floyd gave me for fans to know that I’m legit. The term “TV Eye” from the song by Iggy and the Stooges came from one of my girlfriends back in the late ’60s. I wrote about it in Chapter 1.
In the artwork, there is also a strange door. Is a clue behind the door on the opposite page? Or, what is in the closet? The opposite page shows ELF ELF. Elf is the number 11 in German, but it’s shown twice ELF ELF. If you’re following my story, that clue should be self-explanatory, but I will explain more clues in Chapter 10, The Publius Enigma.
While first listening to The Division Bell, I knew it was to help me by giving me the truth of what was happening. But when I heard “Wearing the Inside Out,” I was positive. The song goes very deep into where I was on an emotional level. I felt fear and isolation, and I wondered why Carl was hurting me and pushing me towards the edge. I could feel real pain from my fingertips, imagining I was holding onto the ledge of reality.
I knew of no one I could call or ask what Carl and his friends were doing to me. I knew I had to deal with it alone, it was inside me and no one I could call understood what was happening to me. There was no escape. They used music to hurt me, deceive me, and surround me with lies in love songs and videos. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so cruel to do that like it was a big joke to them. I truly loved music and musicians my whole life, and then to have music used against me was a horrible stabbing into my heart. To intentionally inflict emotional distress upon someone like this was not even human.
I continue to thank David Gilmour and Pink Floyd for giving me this enormous gift of help that I so desperately needed. It is the gift of The Division Bell with the message of truth.
I would be willing to bet that David had a hand in writing this song. But because it’s very telling, perhaps he had to keep his name off it. And with the artwork, I was given a secret about Carl and Jon Anderson that I didn’t know. It’s no wonder they can’t mention me before the story gets out.
Gilmour sings, “Well, he can have the words right from my mouth.”
To be continued…Take it Back, Keep Talking, and Lost for Words next..